Laying next to Evie, I had just finished reading her a picture book on how the human race is destroying the land. Many times in this same book, God had been mentioned. Not knowing the religious status of her family, I was very uncomfortable reading it to her, and frequently found myself changing around words and pronouns. There were a couple pages that I didn't even read. I was raised purely agnostic, and this God business would have only confused me when I was three, hence why I was so uncomfortable saying these things out loud.
As a babysitter, I had always considered it my responsibility to read another book when he first one was over, but upon finishing this one, I decided against that. Not consciously, of course, but at some point it occured to me that I had been laying it the same spot on this girl's bed for a good few minutes thnking about what I had just read her. My first inclination: Oh God! This must be so uncomfortable for her! (Reffering, of course, to the fact that we had just been staring at the ceiling for minutes.) After thinking of this for more minutes, I realized how ridiculous it really was. A three year old kid, feeling awkward? Is it possible?
No, I don't think so.
More thinking.
Wow. How amazing it must be to never feel awkward or uncomfortable. Holy shit. I would to erase those feeling from my head. Is awkwardness learned? If so, how and why?
This might have become one of the most peaceful moments I've ever had the joy of expieriencing.
I couldn't believe it, that at one point I didn't ever need to endure humiliation or discomfort.
Let's go back to that. Please? Will you do it with me?